Happy 2018! I can’t believe it. What I wanted to share today were 10 reminders to myself as I go into this year. I don’t like the word resolution because, in my mind, if I don’t accomplish it, I’ll feel like a failure. If I call it a reminder, it’s more something I can look back on when something isn’t going the way I thought. I fully believe you get out of life what you put in. And if you’re ever feeling a bit negative, a few positive pushes can make all the difference. That’s exactly what I want these to be. I had done 31 in 301 in the past, and while I did enjoy that, instead of actually accomplishing something tangible, I wanted to focus more on shifting my mindset this year. I’m writing these down not only to hold myself accountable but to also maybe give you all something to reference, as well.
1.) Let it go – Will I still be bothered by this next week? Next month? Next year? If not, let it go. Life has a way of working itself out and I have a terrible habit of harping on things, especially things I can’t change. If it’s something that won’t be detrimental to my long term well-being, I need to let.that.shit.go.
2.) If you dish it, be able to take it – I think I’m unique in the sense that I’m very outwardly sarcastic but very inwardly emotional. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism? Maybe more people are that way than I think?! Who knows. Either way, I take things (way too) personal and often times I’ll let a snarky joke slip out and laugh, but if someone were to do the same to me, it’d tear me up inside. I think this one goes back to “treat others how you want to be treated”. If it wouldn’t feel good if someone made a joke at my expense, why should I do that to someone else? I don’t want to change who I am by any means. I like my sense of humor and sarcastic bone; I think I need to learn to be more intentional with it. And on the flip side, if someone DOES do or say something that rubs me the wrong way, then I need to refer back to #1.
3.) If you want something, just ask for it – You know that meme online that says “I want everyone to invite me, but I don’t want to go”? That’s me in a nutshell. I am that person that doesn’t always go out of my way to make plans, but if I see people out and about without me, I get offended that I wasn’t invited. But, not everyone is a mind-reader/knows my schedule, so if I want to hang out, I need to do a better job of asking. This falls inline with the me-taking-things-too-personally and I need to be better about asking for what I want, rather than being upset when people don’t intrinsically know.
4.) Remember that not everything is about you – Wow, as I’m typing this and doing some inner soul-searching, I’m realizing how truly emotional of a person I am and how much I take everything to heart. At 30 years old, I’m still that person that if I don’t get a text back right away, my mind automatically goes to “what’s wrong”? “Are they mad at me?”. I need to really let this one go. I run in a very successful [aka busy] circle. We’re all professionals and/or parents and/or just busy people and not everyone is on my time clock. I need to learn to give people the same grace, time, and patience that I want given to me. If someone doesn’t answer me right away, they’re probably stuck in a meeting or doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I guess I can also add “paranoid” to the list of annoying traits I have, ha!
5.) Stop the passive-aggressive – People who know me in real life know I’m very direct and don’t beat around the bush. However, when my emotional side comes out, sometimes I’ll make passive-aggressive remarks to get my point across because I’m scared to actually say what it is I’m feeling. If I can be direct in other areas of my life, I need to learn to be direct [but respectful] in others. I despise when people are passive-aggressive with me, so I have no reason to do it to others. Perhaps this one links with #2 and #3. If something bothers me, I need to learn to just say it, express my emotions, let the other side have their moment, and move on. Life is too short.
6.) Talk less, listen more – Sometimes I feel myself cutting someone off to get my two cents in and I immediately want to slap myself. Despite knowing that adding your own anecdotes doesn’t resolve someone else’s problems, I do it anyway. And while my intentions are good, it never ends with me feeling like a better friend or person. Why must I ALWAYS have the last word? If I want to be the best wife/mom/sister/daughter/friend/colleague I can be, I need to be better at allowing people to get out what they want to say without adding in my [often unsolicited] feedback.
7.) Spend less digital time – As someone who essentially has two full time jobs, I always justify my phone time with either job. “Oh, I’m answering a work email” or “Oh, I’m uploading my Instagram real quick” are two phrases I say WAY too often. Dillon will only be this little once and what Mike is saying to my face should ALWAYS be more important than what’s going on in my phone. I know I’m absolutely TERRIBLE at this, but I really do want to be better about it. I turned off my push notifications last year and while that helped immensely, I’m still on my phone more than I would like to be. I think I’m going to invoke a “no phone in bed” rule this year. We’ll see how that goes! I really do just want to be more present in my real life.
8.) You don’t always have to post about it – Going along with number 7, I need this reminder maybe the most. I like to think I’m a super thoughtful person. But, in doing whatever thoughtful gesture I’m doing, I often end up posting about it for whatever reason. That charity drive I’m volunteering at? I don’t NEED to check-in on Facebook. That gift I’m giving my best friend for no reason? I don’t NEED to share the adorable packaging on my Instastories. You get the idea. If I’m doing something good, that should be enough. I don’t need to blast it to the world. End of story. I should do good to do good, not to get another social media opp out of it.
9.) Take better care of myself – This one doesn’t necessarily fit with the rest, but it’s just as important. While I’m so thankful for my overall good health, there are so many things I could be doing better. Making better meal choices is one of them. Even small swap outs, like a salad instead of fries, add up. I only get one life and one body and I want to be around when Dillon grows up, so the time is now to make some changes. I’m also going to get back into the gym which I’m super excited about.
10.) Give yourself some grace [and the occasional pat on the back] – I wanted to end with this one because I feel like it applies heavily to how I think of myself. I work really hard to do it all. Successful businesswoman, loving wife, thoughtful friend, doting mom. If I haven’t checked all those boxes everyday [and then some], I internally beat myself up. No one is perfect and no one can do it all [at the same time anyway]. I read this book last year [which I highly recommend] and the idea of needing gold stars hit me super close to home. Maybe this goes along with #8, but I get really offended when Mike doesn’t notice that I did the 7th load of laundry that week or cooked dinner for the family for the 3rd night in a row. But I don’t do those things just for him to notice them. I do them for me because I truly want to do them. I should just praise myself and move on. This may seem a bit rambley, but in my head I know that *I* know how much I do, and it’s OK if not everyone else notices it all the time. I want to be better about staying in my own lane, knowing my own worth, and not questioning it, regardless of what others think and say.
So there you have it. My own recipe for happiness. I’m kidding, but you get the idea. I think by referencing these 10 things, I can get through whatever it is may be troubling me at the moment and come out the other side. I’m more motivated than ever to get exactly what I want out of life this year, and that starts from inside me. If I put my mind to it, I know I can do it. What do you guys think? Do you agree with these sentiments? What words do you live by? Thanks for stopping by and here’s to an amazing new year!